Piping Problems

And it will also clear your drains...

And it will also clear your drains…

All my life old people have cautioned me not to bust my Foo Foo Valve.  If only one of them had actually told me what a Foo Foo Valve was I might not have ended up with a backside full of piles.

Ignoring the pain and hoping they’d go away didn’t work, just like it didn’t work for my hernias, sunspots, blurry vision and noisy neighbours.  Still, I like to give false hope a fair trial before seeking professional help.

So recently I found myself lying on a small table with my pants around my ankles while a Doctor probed a particularly sensitive part of my body.  “Um, shouldn’t you buy me a drink first Doc?” I quipped, but he’d heard that one before; about thirty times a day.

Anyway, after plumbing previously unexplored depths, the Doctor called his assistant over to have a look, then they discussed various options to tackle the problem.  None of them sounded nice.  And you think you’ve got a crappy job?!

What followed was a fairly quick, slightly painful, procedure and I lurched from the surgery with one aim in mind; to spend the rest of the day lying on the couch trying not to pass wind, for a change.

But, as is the way of the universe, I arrived home to find our sewer pipe had backed up.  Staggering toward the shed I glared at the sky and muttered, “Wonderful!   Fabulous!  O thankyou God!”

Recalling one of the devices in the Doctors’ surgery, I whipped up a plumbing type contraption that quickly cleared the blocked pipe without busting my Foo Foo Valve.

It worked so well that I’m actually toying with patenting it, and I hope my BUTT (Blocked Up Tube Tool), will make piles in the future; of money that is.

About Greg Bray

Greg Bray didn't come from Gladstone, and moved away from the place forever in his twenties then came back and settled down. He is occasionally surprised to discover he's over 50, still enjoying riding his battery powered pushbike 'Pubtruck III' and getting a buzz from writing and publishing blog posts. He is a huge fan of Bill Bryson, Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, Tolkien, Alain de Botton and countless other writers who have made him chuckle (or think) over the years (although he does feel a bit guilty for owning a couple of Jeremy Clarkson books). One day he hopes to bring joy to others through his own scribblings.
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