Whitegood Testing at Home

The All New 'Knotter' Washing Machine! Cleans and Ties!

The All New ‘Knotter’ Washing Machine!
Cleans and Ties!

As our toaster, ‘Sir Burnsalot’, filled the kitchen with billowing clouds of smoke, I opened the doors and windows and pondered when manufacturers started relying on the buying public to road test their products?

Surely the makers of ‘Sir Burnsalot’ wouldn’t release a toaster with ten settings, eight of which produce charcoal, while anything below two merely warms your bread slices?

And do the designers of our washing machine, ‘The Knotter’, know that they’ve created a machine that not only cleans your clothes, but ties them into a ball so tight that they can only be separated with a very sharp axe?

And did any of the folk behind ‘The Blipper’, our digital television, actually test one in their own homes?  If they had, they’d have soon discovered that apart from having amazing picture and sound quality, ‘The Blipper’ also does the following whenever a cloud passes over the moon, or a cat strolls by:

“And the murderer is!”  No Signal.

“He’s going to score!  It’s…”  No Signal.

“Let’s remove those wet clothes my dear…”  No Signal.

Mind you, ‘The Blippers’ remote control has earned Greg’s Five Thumbs Up, because ours has spent more time flying through the air than a long haul aircraft and survived some spectacular landings.

Finally, each morning I lurch from my bed trailing one leg uselessly behind me thanks to ‘The Chiropractors Friend’, aka: the Mattress from Hell.  I’ve often wondered if anyone at the factory has spent more than three minutes lying on one of their back wrecking creations.

Occasionally I’ll toy with upgrading all these items but I’m not keen to fork out more money to assess another batch of untested products, so I’ll put up with them; for now.

On the bright side, at least my old computer is still working reliab…

About Greg Bray

Greg Bray didn't come from Gladstone, and moved away from the place forever in his twenties then came back and settled down. He is occasionally surprised to discover he's over 50, still enjoying riding his battery powered pushbike 'Pubtruck III' and getting a buzz from writing and publishing blog posts. He is a huge fan of Bill Bryson, Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, Tolkien, Alain de Botton and countless other writers who have made him chuckle (or think) over the years (although he does feel a bit guilty for owning a couple of Jeremy Clarkson books). One day he hopes to bring joy to others through his own scribblings.
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2 Responses to Whitegood Testing at Home

  1. Jacqueline Delaney says:

    Funny, I’m enjoying your columns in the News Mail, Bundaberg…just read the Clean Up ,Skater story…love it and it’s a good plug for the skaters. My second son is an avid skater ,an athlete in fact but in spite of never having caused any problems for anyone through his skating ,he is still being hassled by the police. His board is also his transport and even on the way to work he gets hassled. ,even carrying it they want to know what he’s doing.Although every school he ever attended he had the permission of the principal to use the grounds to skate after hours .I have no idea where the bad rap they have came from ,I’ve always found them to be polite and dedicated youngsters and older boys ! And with 5 kids 2 of them boys now in their twenties I have met loads of them!!So thankyou for showing the positive side of our skater boys.Cheers Jackie Delaney


    • Greg Bray says:

      Thanks Jackie!

      I’m an old skater myself, although I spent more time carrying my board while limping home covered in gravel rash! We didn’t have skate parks back in the day 🙂 Unfortunately, no matter what your hobby or pastime, there are always ‘the few’ who give the many a bad name.

      Personally I reckon Australia is in pretty safe hands if the young people around me are any indication.




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