Pushing My Buttons

pram-cartoonFolks, I love hanging out with my baby granddaughter, but the one dark cloud in our wonderful relationship is my struggle to fold up her portable cot and pram. Mind you, the sticky little fingerprints all over my guitar aren’t helping either.

While the portable cot unfolds faster than a triggered rat trap, getting it to close again is like wrestling with a combine harvester. Things got so bad I eventually read the instructions.

Apparently if I ‘Press Here’ simultaneously in four places, the folding cot should sag faster than a shot blimp. Finally, after ‘Pressing Everywhere’ with my multigrips, it crumpled like a cheap suit.

When bub’s ready for a big girls’ bed, I’ll drag the cot out to the shed, take it apart to see how it works and possibly re-engineer it. Or, I might fold it up one last time by ‘Pressing Here, Here, Here and Here’, with my lump hammer.

But the portable cot is a delight to use when compared to the marvel of structural engineering that is the folding pram. Folding pram designers of the world, your only job is to create a pram that, and I want to make this as clear as possible, FOLDS UP!

Obviously I don’t want it to collapse while we’re using it, but I’m getting a little tired of grappling with this thing in carparks while Junior sits crying in the car. Lately I’ve been tempted to simply abandon it, or fold it up by backing over it; repeatedly.

Then, after seeing how other prams fold faster than a pepped up origami master, it dawned on me that I may have purchased a couple of duds. But until the little tacker grows older, I’m stuck with these shonky products; stuck like dried jam on a guitar.

About Greg Bray

The scribbler behind the 'On a Lighter Note' column.
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