Odd Jobs Ma… Person

Evil Genius

Of course I’ll want to see the uniform before signing on…

An old workmate used to say, “The good jobs never make the papers,” and thanks to the interweb, hardly any jobs make the papers now; and actual jobs in the newspaper industry are disappearing!

 

But as someone who is patiently waiting for his turn to be Prime Minister (hey, I think we’re all going to get a turn), I’ve been pondering some ‘out of the box’ careers I, or anyone else who can walk upright and chew gum, could do.

Here’s the list so far:

Wrestling Referee: Standing between two wild-eyed, bloodthirsty combatants and having my feeble pleas to fight fair be ignored is something I’m very experienced at; I have daughters.

Reality TV Contestant: At best I’m an average cook and renovator, but my talent as a semi-professional arguer would allow me to shine on any of these moronic shows.

Dead Body Actor: there’s so many murder mystery shows on at the moment that there must be a screaming (actually, non-screaming) need for folk who can lie very still while grim-faced stars make glib jokes about your corpse.

Zombie Extra: ‘Monday Morning Greg’, would be a shoo-in for this booming movie genre; no make-up required plus my everyday clothes look like the outdated, tattered rags a zombie would wear.

Radio Shock Jock:  I could be an opinionated loudmouth happily insulting any group that can’t fight back, except, I have a conscience.  Once I work out how to silence that preachy little pest I’ll be stockpiling kickbacks from advertisers in no time.

ACCC Supremo: According to Long Suffering Wife, I’m completely deaf to any criticism or complaints, so I’m definitely qualified to ignore other stuff like blatant petrol, grocery and health fund racketeering.

Fulltime Newspaper Columnist:  my dream career; but finding a good job like this in the papers nowadays is nearly impossible.

 


About Greg Bray

The scribbler behind the 'On a Lighter Note' column.
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