Folks, I’m going to write the word everyone is thinking, but won’t utter: Recession.

Here in the Harbour City, we’re used to booms and busts, but this current downturn has hit us harder than a fist filled with rolled up coins.

So I’ve strained my brain to come up with a potential solution to stop the hordes of economic refugees fleeing our fair city: let’s get into the War Industry!

No, I’m not talking about invading Rockhampton… just yet.

…as they say in the military: ‘A bad plan is better than no plan at all.’

Look, if recent history is any guide, ongoing global conflict is the one guaranteed booming, global growth industry. A situation our village is ideally suited to exploit, as Gladstone has some of the greatest tradies in this country.  Plus, it would only take a few minor tweaks to get us onto the cash bonanza that is the war wagon.

If we can build industrial tanks and vessels, then surely we could whip up some actual tanks and vessels? Hey, what’s a submarine but a steel silo lying on its’ side; obviously with a little bit more silicon to plug the gaps.

Or perhaps we could persuade Uncle Sam to plonk a small military/naval base on Curtis Island? Think of all those greenbacks flowing into the purses of our local clubs, pubs, shops and farms, or organisers of shotgun weddings and ladies of flexible fondness on an hourly basis.

Look, I’ll admit these aren’t great ideas, but as they say in the military: ‘A bad plan is better than no plan at all.’