Ladies, the fastest way to get a man to leap from a speeding car is to suddenly announce, “We need to talk about our relationship.”
Because even the dimmest man knows that any conversation starting with that sentence is never going to end well. It’s either the first step towards breaking up, or the start of a long, ill-disguised whinge listing everything he’s done, or said, wrong since you first met.
And the game is rigged, because logic will not be a part of this ‘conversation’, it’s all about feelings.
We also know that you like to occasionally test us, using methods similar to psychological experiments where gullible candidates endure increasingly complex, frustrating or pointless tests, but are in reality, are being assessed for something wildly different.
For example, when you drag us to a dress shop it’s not because you want our opinion on clothing. As if you’d really take clothing advice from a species that prefers dressing like hobos, and thinks a tie featuring a half-naked Hawaiian dancer with light up nipples is the height of class and humour!
(Which is probably also why you never take us with you to the hairdressers).
No, what you are probably doing is testing our obedience, commitment and loyalty; or finding our limit to tolerating soul crushing boredom.
Look, if you really want to know what men are actually thinking about it’s much, much less complicated than you think, i.e.: sex, relaxing, playing, sex, eating, drinking and most importantly, sex.
So to keep the peace, and possibly get a lot more of the above, smart fellas will simply smile and nod when they eventually realise that sometimes you just need to vent and hopefully, afterwards, you’ll feel much happier and we can go back to annoying you without even really trying.