Getting To Grips on Handshakes

wetfish1Folks, you can tell a lot about a man from his handshake; and from a woman too, especially if she’s got more callouses than you.

And there are basically four types of handshake:

The Dead Fish – limp and listless.

The Firm and Friendly.

The Pumper – where someone tries to dislocate your elbow or shoulder. And finally,

The Crusher – the preferred handshake of inconsiderate idiots, and sadists.

There are varying grades of each, including the Two-Hander and the Controller (trying to pull or push you away), but most fellas are Firm and Friendlies. Plus, they’re usually aware that the firmness must be slightly softened when being introduced to ladies, the young, elderly or highly infectious.

As a lad, I frequently had my right hand crushed to a pulp by men who weren’t being cruel (mostly) they were used to hard labour and really didn’t know their own strength.

Fortunately, I managed to avoid permanent injury.

But, not long after turning fifteen, I recall meeting Australia’s own Jerry Lee Lewis, the piano playing rocker, Jade Hurley. As I was being introduced to him, I recall thinking, ‘His hands are his living, so take it easy.’

Frankly, Jade didn’t have too much to worry about from a skinny kid with arms like jockey’s whips; but the thought was there.

As we shook hands, Jade smiled that big cheesy grin of his and boomed, “Like a man boy, shake hands like a man!”  My father, standing next to me, must have wondered why I’d gone all Dead Fish with the ivory tickling rocker.

I wanted to crawl into the nearest hole and die, but chose instead to simply turn red and squeak, “Ok.”

It was a lesson I’d never forget, and years later, I reckon I’ve got a pretty good grip on it.

 

About Greg Bray

Greg Bray didn't come from Gladstone, and moved away from the place forever in his twenties then came back and settled down. He is occasionally surprised to discover he's over 50, still enjoying riding his pushbike 'Pubtruck II' and getting a buzz from writing and publishing blog posts. He is a huge fan of Bill Bryson and one day hopes to travel and write for a living...
This entry was posted in On a Lighter Note... and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.