Folks, slap on your tinfoil hats because I’m about to unveil a conspiracy theory which might land me in hot, well, lukewarm water.
You see, this time last year, our ancient hot water system turned into a fountain, so we got a new unit installed. I soon discovered that the one thing the new hot water system didn’t do was supply us with was piping hot, hot water.
In fact, the hot water temperature in our shower was so low that the cold water tap only needed to be cracked on. End result, we were using much more hot water while showering; which wasn’t a problem ‘til winter arrived and we started running out of hot water.
So, whenever anyone announced, “I’m washing my hair tonight!” there’d be a mad scramble for the bathroom.
Eventually, I contacted the electricity mob to solve our little problem, but was informed that fifty degrees is the hottest our water can be by law, in order to avoid accidently scalding the unwary; allegedly.
My conspiracy theory was hatched when they advised me to install a bigger hot water system and go off the cheap off-peak power plan. ‘You cunning sods!’ I thought as I hung up.
Refusing to play the power company’s game, I installed water saving devices. The water pressure dropped so low it was like trying to shower in a tepid mist, so those gadgets quickly joined my old hot water system at the dump.
In desperation, I’ve since implemented the system my father used to save hot water i.e.: banging on the bathroom door thirty seconds after anyone turns on the taps.
Sure it works, but come Fathers’ Day I’ll probably be getting the cold shoulder from my family, because they think my hot water conspiracy theory is all lukewarm air.