Plane Flu

planegermsFolks, Australia is currently in the grip of a highly contagious flu epidemic which, apparently, is even deadlier than the much-dreaded Man Flu!

Seriously, if you haven’t had it, or got it, then you really don’t want it.Fortunately, it ricocheted off our family, but countless others haven’t been so lucky. Like the poor bloke at the chemists last week. “Listen,” I said to the pharmacist, as sufferers around me filled the air with germs, “I’ve got this niggly cough, which sounds like…”

That’s as far as I got before the ailing chap beside me started to hawk up the world’s stickiest fur ball. What followed was a coughing fit so intense that I half expected to see his eyeballs pop out and bounce across the countertop like ping-pong balls.

He eventually sank to the floor, wheezing for breath on his hands and knees and, after helping to lift him onto a nearby chair, I turned to the chemist and cried, “Quick! Give me something! Anything!”

He tossed me a bottle of medicine that didn’t stop my throat croak, but it did give me the runs, so it sort of worked, because I was too scared to cough for fear of filling my rompers.

Now, Australian doctors knew this flu season was going to be a shocker, because they’d been watching the horror unfold during the northern hemisphere’s winter. But, thanks to the wonder of air travel, the virus was down-under and running amuck before they could mutter, “Open up and say… aaaargh!”

Even though summer has arrived early, this nasty flu epidemic continues to hang round like an uninvited dinner guest, pointedly ignoring any hints to vamoose.

Without a flu cure in sight, the only way to stop it could be to quarantine the long-haul, plague carrying planes, but that probably won’t happen. So, the vicious cycle will continue as sick Aussie travellers return the bug to our northern neighbours in time for their winter.

So, next year we’ll be bracing for another visit from this vacationing, viral, virus, but hopefully, it won’t be travelling with the Man Flu!

About Greg Bray

The scribbler behind the 'On a Lighter Note' column.
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