Running for Office

I am not a crook… yet.

Folks, the state of Oz politics is so bad I’m starting to think I should run for office.

Trust me, you don’t want that to happen. Also, never trust anyone who asks you to trust them.

I won’t lie to you, I would try to be an honest politician; at first. But it probably wouldn’t take long for the words ‘compromise’, ‘blind-eye’ and ‘cosy financial arrangement’ to appear beside my name in the papers.

Paul Keating once said most politicians belonged in one of three camps: Maddies, Baddies and Saddies. I’m a little of the first and last, but thanks to my parents instilling their working-class values into me, I really struggle with the second one.

“Own up to your mistakes. Apologise when you’re wrong. Try to do the right thing. Wash your hands. Eat your broccoli!”

What on earth were they thinking?! Mind you, I quite like broccoli now, especially with a little grated cheese melted on the…

Anyway, an old workmate used to joke,

“Bray, if we can get rid of your conscience, we’ll really go places!”

Frankly, if I didn’t have a conscience, he’d have been among the first casualties on the pile of shattered human wreckage I’d merrily have skipped over on my way to the top.

Now, I’m not saying our politicians don’t have ethics, I’m sure they do, but they’re also human, so at some point they’ll be tempted to do things that wouldn’t make their mother’s very proud.

Yet, when caught fiddling the till or with someone else’s knicker elastic, it never occurs to them to do the honourable thing and resign. Possibly because they’re determined to avoid working for a living, especially if they’ve been part of the team cheerfully making workers’ lives much more miserable.

Happily, we don’t live in a tin-pot dictatorship, yet, so occasionally we have the chance to vote some of the baddies out of the system.

Still, if I ever do manage to silence my pesky conscience I won’t waste my time being a shonky politician, nosirree, I’d get a plum job in a bank.

Trust me.

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