Family Movie Night – after another ruined evening I come up with my own rating system


How I must have looked for two days afterwards…

Folks, last weekend I spend an uncomfortable evening watching an alleged comedy which was based on a dope smoking geriatric trying to hit on young women.

I thought we’d done this sort of thing to death with the Carry On films of the 70’s?

Our kids told us the movie was a laugh riot and if there’s one thing we Bray’s enjoy, it’s a good chuckle. Preferably at someone else’s expense.

The only laughs that night were the sniggers coming from my kids as I squirmed in discomfort.

The last time I felt this awkward in front of a movie was when I was 15-years-old and had unwittingly waddled home from the video store with the adult copy of Flash Gordon which had been mistakenly placed into the wrong cover.

Boy, that was one memorable, and extremely short, family movie night.

I was banned from hiring movies for quite a long time and let the record show, I’m still protesting my innocence in the whole sordid affair.

Anyway, call me old fashioned, but I feel a tad uncomfortable watching a film based on a horny geriatric chasing girls around. It wasn’t funny when Roger Moore did it in nearly every Bond film he made and it’s really not funny now.

It eventually occurred to me that the 16-year-olds who wrote this stinker were on a quest to jam as much squeamish material as they could into the script. The result was so unfunny it was actually laughable.

Afterwards I decided we needed a much better movie rating system to prevent people like me from falling into a similar celluloid traps. MA15+ obviously isn’t cutting it anymore, so I’ve given it a tweak.

MAO means ‘Okay to watch with children or granny present’ as the rude stuff will fly over their scones. MAD is for Donald i.e.: ‘Trumpesque’ frat-boy humour. MAF stands for ‘Find something else – Fast!

After unveiling my new rating system, my family spent a lot of time making fun of it, and me.

Once again, I found nothing funny about another old man being the butt of their laughter.

Greg Bray

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