Springing into the Census

Folks, two things came early this month, Spring and the Census.  To be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to either.

Ah, Pre-Spring!  When the sap and humidity rise, the magpies hone their beaks and my stifling doona gets kicked onto the floor each night. 

Pre-Spring!  When the windows of  ‘Chateau de Greg’, closed tight for nigh on six weeks, have been flung open again to allow the fresh air in to stir up the dust.

Pre-Spring!  When the census folk start collating all that delicious feedback they’ve received and the government cheerfully ignores it in favour their own marginal seat spreadsheet spending strategy… 

On the plus side, this time we could fill out the census electronically, and early! 

Wouldn’t it be great if we could vote the same way… tomorrow?

Anyway, I did note that something hadn’t changed on this year’s census: another wasted opportunity to ask some relevant questions, i.e.:

Indicate your level of belief in man-made Climate Change by circling one of the following: 

  1. Matt Canavan        2. Fred Flintstone          3. Costa!            4. David Attenborough

Where’d you hide my egg mate?

How has man-made Climate Change affected you? (Circle one)

  1. It hasn’t!  To quote ex-PM Tony ‘Onion Muncher’ Abbott, “It’s crap!” 
  2. Don’t know!  Don’t care!  But I love it when The Australian, 2GB and Sky News kick nine colours of custard out of greenies and Greta (and any other uppity women who think they’re cleverer than me).
  3. I believe the science, but sold my soul to fossil fuel lobbyists who have generously paid for my new mansion (but, for some reason, refused to install the solar panels I’d specifically asked for?!)   
  4. Some, but I quite enjoy going to the beach ten months of the year.
  5. I’m done.  Moving to Tasmania along with all the other climate refugees escaping furnace blast summers.
  6. A lot!  Can’t type.  Drowning in sweat and rising seas.  Battening down for out-of-control bushfires, catastrophic cyclones and month-long power outages.

Would you like your home powered by renewable energy?

  1. No Way!  In fact, I’d like return to a time when we lit our homes with natural, renewable whale oil lamps.
  2. No.  Coal is good for humanity!  Cough! Hack! Wheeze! 
  3. Yes.  But I’m a renter, so I’m going to continue being screwed by the real estate industry, my landlord and the fossil fuel power generators.
  4. Yes.  As long as the government pays for it.
  5. It already is and is topped up daily by my smugness.

Would you buy an EV?

  1. Hell No!  I think we made a big mistake moving away from riding horses, wood fired steam trains and ships rowed by slaves.
  2. No.  I’m extremely happy with the V8 4WD the nice people from Dino Oils bought me.
  3. Yes.  But I’ll wait until my old gas guzzler carks it, or fuel hits $5 per litre.
  4. I already own an EV.  Get your filthy eyes off it!
  5. Cars are for cavemen!  Get an e-scooter dude!

Anyway, the census is done and who knows where we’ll be when the next one rolls around? 

But, hopefully, Australian voters will come to their census, and the current coal fondling, multi-rorting mob will have gone the way of the dodo, and the new crew will be taking actual steps to limit climate damage, save the reef, create jobs in the renewable energy revolution and hand future generations a planet that doesn’t resemble the surface of Mars.

Yeah, that’ll put a little spring in my step.

This article first appeared in the Regrow Queensland e-zine. Check it out!

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